“It sort of feels like every day gets harder to stay happy where you are, there are all these ways to look through the fence into your neighbors yard. Why even risk it? It’s safer to stay distant when its so hard to just be content because there’s always something else.”—
"Spaces between walls. Objects and their history. Memories knotted to everything collected here.
It is April and the house is empty. There is snow on the ground still somehow. Wandering alone throughout you are certain you hear echoes.
There is what leaves and then what does not when you lose someone. The shared history retained in mutually familiar things. Senses that trigger a sort of travel through time. Fabric softener, garlic, the coffeemaker, ordinary sights and smells, items. You spend X years of your life assigning memories to experiences, designation a section of your existence for storing the details and emotions attached to them good or bad and when you lose someone none of that goes with it. The objects remain in the space you share with them and so do the meanings they’ve earned. This moment or that moment, funeral or first kiss, fully remembered and realized in the tendrils and folds and lightning sparks of the unconscious every time one intrudes upon the landscape you occupy. The slightest hint of familiar scenery, the faintest smell, the feel of the air in the desert some years back, the dimensions of the rooms of the house or any common touch, all beckoning back with the accidental reminisce moments that shape an absence, that almost bring it back to you there or else bring you back to it. Trips take you backwards and forwards through history.
You are wandering alone in the spaces between the walls and you are certain you hear echoes. It is April and there is snow on the ground.”
So I was talking to this girl for a few weeks and actually was starting to like her for some reason. I say for some reason because we basically have nothing in common. Anyway, the whole time we’re talking and hanging out I can’t get a good read on if she’s into me or not and even when she hung out with me she didn’t give off a vibe either way. Which lead me to two conclusions: she doesn’t like me and I should stop wasting my time or she is really uncomfortable and shy with other people and maybe in time she wouldn’t be like that.
Because of my hoping for the latter I persisted to try and make it work.
I asked her straight up if she liked me and told her I liked her and didn’t want to waste my time if she wasn’t into me. She said she thought she liked me but it takes her time to figure it out so I decided to keep talking to her. Maybe a mistake right there but that’s debatable I suppose.
Next thing she doesn’t reply to my texts when we’re supposed to hang out and I decided I was done with the situation and wasn’t gonna talk to her anymore.
Cut to a few days later I find out she started dating a buddy of mine from my old job. Of course this stings a little bit but after a few days I’m back to normal and actually feeling good.
Now a few days ago the girl and her new bf break up and she slowly tries to befriend me again. Starts with a like on my instagram and then she sends me a random snapchat. Then she invites me to a kickback this weekend and proceeds to send me the address when I ask where.
It’s so fucking ridiculous. What makes you think you can just say fuck my feelings and then as soon as your fling doesn’t work out hit me back up? And why not just tell me you weren’t into me as soon as you felt it?
People’s inability to communicate nowadays annoys the shit out of me.
I wish people told the truth more often and people (myself included) also had thicker skin to take the uncomfortable truths and learn from them.